That's how we are in Kent, awaiting for Halloween this Saturday night....This time going downtown Kent it's going to be something like.. ITS Saturday NIGHT LIVEEE!!!! Ready for detentions? Arrests? Skanky costumes? Police chasing teens? Handcuffs, B&L? S/M? Let's roooollll!!

New brand blog operational: www.siole.com . There's were you will find from now on my live adventures in the USA

Can you tell me what you talk about with your friends? Come on, come on, make an effort to remember. Do you think is customary to speak about food? Hobbies? Sports? Or this is already too outdated? In Europe, I remember to have brough up this issues, but in USA, they’ve changed forever. Let me describe you a case study that happened to me recently:


10pm Sunday
David’s appartment at South Lincoln

The streets are dark, as usual in the lightless street policy of Ohio. While cooking, I notice a sudden face moving through my front appartment window. Did I saw a ghost? No! As usual, only Phillip can be the one trying to scare you BEFORE knocking at the door as 99% of mankind does when visiting a friend. I open the door and blablabla, after all the smalltalk-crap, the converstion starts:

Phillip- So, how have you been?
David- Oh, well, and u?
Phillip- not much,
David- so what happened to you lately?
Phillip- Oh, not much…I have a friend…he changed sex 2 days ago.

Make me a favor: reproduce the time-bullet effect from the movie Matrix for 5 seconds. This is, don’t move a hair in your body during 5 seconds.

Ok, so that’s it. Instead of talking who beat the Indians last night or if its going to snow tomorrow, in USA, a new field of subjects can be “smoothly” approached without problems. Thanks to the sexual revolution, the gay rights and the latest tecnology in sexual morphing, a hole new range of unconventional talking awaits you in the land of opportunity.

There is something especial about buying a mattress. First, which mattress. But even if you got this issue solved, there is still a long way to go. Let me explain you something:

Let’s say at least you know the brand. How come? Because you slept in a certain hotel and your 6-months backpain went away in 48 hours. Wow! You feel exalted! Finally, you think, finally I found the right one! Ok, let’s go buy it.
Then, the clerk in the store introduces you to a new hole meaning of the expression “helpless ignorance’. The clerk tells you, while you yawn a “oooh” expression like if contemplating an alledged extinct species, that the particular model you are searching for is going to be called “Simmons BeautyRest” in hotel ‘X”, while “Moonflowers” in the hotel “XY”. Ok, you didn't understood a thing, right? Let’s explain it for the non-inciated: you realize the company has created a swarm of mattress types “customized” for the buyer. This means, simply, that there is no F** way to identify the one that you slept in in that hotel. “In this aspect, the customer is left with not so many options” the clerk adds, like tagging you a disclaimer, and he proceeds: “is really unfair…” And those points in that last sentence means something like “but that’s how we exploit the customer and make the big profit”.

Then if you finally leave the mattress store, unsure of your backpain destiny, the frustated clerk will tell you: “is there anything we can do for helping you accomplish your business??”. Wooaaahh!! That sentence really deserves an Oscar for “Best twisted euphemism for selling fast”. Only in USA, yeah!

This is one of those situations only humans can establish. Have you ever been contempted by an acquaintance (not a friend, but someone you just know by sight instead) for not telling him/her your birthday? Ok. More details are needed:

Imagine a car. 4 people on it. We are going to a Japanese restaurant. Eduardo is driving. It Rains. Lisa, his girlfriend is in the co-pilot seat. David and Anya in the backsits. The episode starts:

Eduardo: ah, by the way, happy birthday again David.
David: oh, thanks.
Anya: what???? She suddenly stares at David with a perplexed face.- What??? Is your birthday??? And you didn’t tell me?
David- Pues no..
Anya: Why????
David- I don’t know…now you know…
Anya: Ohh….SooOOOooo disapointing…You didn’t tell me. You are stupid, and particularly surprising coming from a PhD…You could have had a party, I would have organize it!!
After that, David’s sci-fi reply would have been: Get off of the f*** car, you b****!! But the Austin Power’s gentleman was in charge that night and smirking, David replied:

-I am a man of mystery, I suppose….

Anya is from Kamchatka, aka: a far east region only 0.00001% of earth’s population can point out in a world map. David just met her literaly twice. O sea, he knows her barely since 1 month ago.
Yeah, next time David will have to do hire a public relation firms to avoid another Kamchatka situation :)

Those days I feel like Superman. But not like him while he's diverting nuclear missiles, or when he's whacking the daylight out of Lex Luthor….No. I am feeling like when he has that kryptonite necklace around his neck and he can’t even erase the email's junkbox.
I’m in the bed and the alarm goes on, it’s 7.30am. I feel like my blanket weights a ton. You get where I'm going, right? I try and try but nothing. For a few seconds I get up into my arms, one more effort, Come on! But my arms collapse again miserably. Another try, and another fall. Miraculously, Chen-Mei comes and puts the blanket away yelling at me: get out lazy pig!!! Finally, the modern Louis Lane came to my rescue :)