New brand blog operational: www.siole.com . There's were you will find from now on my live adventures in the USA
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10pm Sunday
David’s appartment at South Lincoln

The streets are dark, as usual in the lightless street policy of Ohio. While cooking, I notice a sudden face moving through my front appartment window. Did I saw a ghost? No! As usual, only Phillip can be the one trying to scare you BEFORE knocking at the door as 99% of mankind does when visiting a friend. I open the door and blablabla, after all the smalltalk-crap, the converstion starts:

Phillip- So, how have you been?
David- Oh, well, and u?
Phillip- not much,
David- so what happened to you lately?
Phillip- Oh, not much…I have a friend…he changed sex 2 days ago.

Make me a favor: reproduce the time-bullet effect from the movie Matrix for 5 seconds. This is, don’t move a hair in your body during 5 seconds.

Ok, so that’s it. Instead of talking who beat the Indians last night or if its going to snow tomorrow, in USA, a new field of subjects can be “smoothly” approached without problems. Thanks to the sexual revolution, the gay rights and the latest tecnology in sexual morphing, a hole new range of unconventional talking awaits you in the land of opportunity.
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Let’s say at least you know the brand. How come? Because you slept in a certain hotel and your 6-months backpain went away in 48 hours. Wow! You feel exalted! Finally, you think, finally I found the right one! Ok, let’s go buy it.
Then, the clerk in the store introduces you to a new hole meaning of the expression “helpless ignorance’. The clerk tells you, while you yawn a “oooh” expression like if contemplating an alledged extinct species, that the particular model you are searching for is going to be called “Simmons BeautyRest” in hotel ‘X”, while “Moonflowers” in the hotel “XY”. Ok, you didn't understood a thing, right? Let’s explain it for the non-inciated: you realize the company has created a swarm of mattress types “customized” for the buyer. This means, simply, that there is no F** way to identify the one that you slept in in that hotel. “In this aspect, the customer is left with not so many options” the clerk adds, like tagging you a disclaimer, and he proceeds: “is really unfair…” And those points in that last sentence means something like “but that’s how we exploit the customer and make the big profit”.

Then if you finally leave the mattress store, unsure of your backpain destiny, the frustated clerk will tell you: “is there anything we can do for helping you accomplish your business??”. Wooaaahh!! That sentence really deserves an Oscar for “Best twisted euphemism for selling fast”. Only in USA, yeah!
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Imagine a car. 4 people on it. We are going to a Japanese restaurant. Eduardo is driving. It Rains. Lisa, his girlfriend is in the co-pilot seat. David and Anya in the backsits. The episode starts:

Eduardo: ah, by the way, happy birthday again David.
David: oh, thanks.
Anya: what???? She suddenly stares at David with a perplexed face.- What??? Is your birthday??? And you didn’t tell me?
David- Pues no..
Anya: Why????
David- I don’t know…now you know…
Anya: Ohh….SooOOOooo disapointing…You didn’t tell me. You are stupid, and particularly surprising coming from a PhD…You could have had a party, I would have organize it!!
After that, David’s sci-fi reply would have been: Get off of the f*** car, you b****!! But the Austin Power’s gentleman was in charge that night and smirking, David replied:

-I am a man of mystery, I suppose….

Anya is from Kamchatka, aka: a far east region only 0.00001% of earth’s population can point out in a world map. David just met her literaly twice. O sea, he knows her barely since 1 month ago.
Yeah, next time David will have to do hire a public relation firms to avoid another Kamchatka situation :)
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I’m in the bed and the alarm goes on, it’s 7.30am. I feel like my blanket weights a ton. You get where I'm going, right? I try and try but nothing. For a few seconds I get up into my arms, one more effort, Come on! But my arms collapse again miserably. Another try, and another fall. Miraculously, Chen-Mei comes and puts the blanket away yelling at me: get out lazy pig!!! Finally, the modern Louis Lane came to my rescue :)]]>

With this sentence, your IQ will be measured by the number of reading inches advanced. Mine is 5.

P.S: the text won the "Bad Writting Contest" published in the journal of Philosophy and Literature.]]>

Zhu consulting the deal with his bosses]]>

Got it? That’s what exactely happened to me last week.

Rewinding, I went out with Haruna and Chen-mei to Kent’s Buffalo wings (for the newcomers, Kent is a typical Far-West town in Ohio, USA–check it on GoogleEarth). Ah ja, we wento out and the night was cool. Some chicken wings, some 360° TVs, the standard stuff you get in american pubs. When we finished, we dropped Haruna to Lina’s house and the night appered seamless.
What does people do around 11pm when there is nothing else to do and you are sexually exhausted? You get some sleep, right? Well we just did this. Then, after 2 hours of beautiful drowsiness, Chen-mei awoke me: David, David, someone is knocking on the door. My unconscious first-reaction was: Chen-mei, you are dreaming, who on the earth can be knocking at my DORM’s door at one AM in the morning??? But after 10 seconds the pom-pom-pom continues. Ok, I got it. Chen-mei you open! :)
Someone inside in my appartment is knocking at my dorm’s door!!!. This means that there is someone that I don't know that managed to get inside my appartment. My roomates can’t be, bc they are all out tonight. Who is it then? Shall I open? –Pom, pom, pom!!! The knockings continue, I open and… Haruna is standing in the hallway: Sorry, David, I forgot my laptop on your car’s trunk….Peroperoperokepaxxxaa??? Take this: Chen-mei and I we made sure she didn’t forgot anything in the backseat of my car…That's a pretty commonplace to forget wallets, tampax, shoes, etc...But, well, the seamless night had a flaw: nobody remembered Haruna left her laptop IN the trunk. Joder! After a couple of beers who does??
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"I got a cold" they say. Pretty nasty, right? Not for the stoich yankis" -How you got it?
"oh well, it rained and I didnt had an umbrella" But they don't explain it to you with a sad sigh. No, they tell it to you like "I just got it" like saying "oh, by the way a car run over me and now I am dead".
Similarly like my friend Daniel: -How you got that cold? And he will tell you: I went to sleep clothless after taking a shower and with my room's window wide open. He did it precisely on a harsh damm cold winter night. No problemo!]]>

-Wow, you did it?
Rumela, while giving Erin her thanks, abruptly corrected me: it's 'made' not did. She smirked.
This made me remember that looks like there is something with the kernel of the Brain's Operating System that doesnt seem change over time.
Now, indulge me. Not all of you will remember of course, but back then in IPSI's 6th grade of Elementary studies, my then platonic love Laura R. got sick and when she recovered I spontaneoulsy told her:
'Estas bona'. Only catalan speakers will fully understand what it means, I know, but it turns out in Catalan 'you are healthy' and 'you are cute' have the same gramatical form. It was not surprising that Paul Rosal and his friends laughed out loud when they hear my words. I was disturbed, I didnt understand. What was going on? After a while Paul clarified me and I realized my slip of tongue. This was in 1990, 16 years later, my Kernel continues untouched.]]>